Circles: As my World Turns Around

I never imagined I would be exactly in my old environment, but living an entirely different life. All of a sudden all of my choices make sense to me; I was supposed to make them. Every regret, I no longer regret. I have struggled, and come full circle by returning to my past for a purpose. My purpose: to help.

My family is worn, broken and helpless. I am strong, able and willing. The need is tremendous, and it's my turn to look past the imperfections, the heartache, and the wrong-doings to me. I removed myself by focusing on me, and I am strong enough now to make a difference.

Though they tell me to stay away and stay healthy, they want me around. It's ironic how people push people away because of their fear. I do not fear failure anymore. I cannot fail. I am the light in the darkness to my family. I am the hope behind the ominious clouds. I am the face behind the raindrops that fall heavily like teardrops. I am the hope. I have a chance to make a difference.

My mind is in motion, my heart burdened with sorrow, but also overflowing with love. That's all that anyone wants from me. My love. All that I can do is share it, and it is their choice what to do with it. I am in awe that I understand this. God has lead me, directed me, and allowed me to fall just so that I could get to this place right here; right now.

I am so grateful for this opportunity, and will be obedient to what is put on my heart.

Emotion's Source: Confliction

Misery is gone, though emotion is not.

Joy has re-surfaced to another season.

I cannot figure out every reason, 

But I recognize healing taking place.

I've finally realized life is not a race.

It is precious.

Unwound, yet confident.

Untamed, yet routined.

Undisciplined, yet structured.

Uncertain, yet at peace.

Unlimited, yet straight-lined.

Lost and wondering, bad with direction

However, knowingly on the right path to succeed.

Only because failures have made it evident.

Vision can become blurred

If you trust each one at his word.

Some are deceitful,

Some try to break,

Including them in your vision is surely a mistake.

To each his own.

Each with different progressional pace.

Progression a positive, but try to avoid obsession.

When the heart and hands part to go seperate ways, 

Without a doubt there will be lonely days.

But it's important to wipe the frames of the blurred view;

There will always be better days.

Strength is within if drawn from above;

Unless you get this concept,

You`ll never understand love.

Even when the mind wanders,

Refocus the heart.

If you look hard enough, back to the start,

The mind will not tear you apart.

To analyze from every angle and every view,

Is sometimes okay,

But sometimes you have to look at just one source...

That is...

YOU.

Written: 10-20-11 1:00 pm

Old News: Inspiration (2009/2010)

Current mood:thoughtful

Original: 06/02/09  3:33am
Edited: 02/08/10 8:50pm

INSPIRATION

Derived from a vision
Thoughts wholly consume this mind.
Tested by fear of failures and rejection
But I never remove myself
From the blinding elements
That once clouded my judgements
As I need those distractions for feul
On this energy seeking ride to success.
Searching and hoping for Inspiration.

Something beautiful is occuring
Meant to better one's soul
Forcing me to look outside of the box
Away from comfort-
Yet I remain taunted by fears
Can I overcome?

Fighting the woes
Only with pain
Shall one desire and appreciate
Having something better.
This is my Inspiration.

After the suffering is healing
 In the darkest hour
I must find a positive balance
Like the faith that day light will come again
Faith is the driving source of this dedication to myself.

Let me run from my suffering
And not dwell
Less I should be ignorant and bitter
I shall take hold of my desire.
To push forward is motivation
Existing solely by inspiration

Inspiration of my own making
Inspiration from my own mind.
This is and will be my reality
Never cesasing without results.
I create my own inspiration when the world cannot offer me any
Nevertheless, it remains
My Inspiration.

Old News: Life is more then who WE are... (2010)

Life is more than who we are...

I am learning that life truly is more than just who we are. It's more than our acheivements, our failures, our successes. Life is ever changing, and so are our relationships. One day, you sit down and say damn- who really cares about me? And who is it that really matters to me?

Above all - I have learned that nothing in life is undefetable. Nothing is too much to bare. Although sometimes you feel like you just want to give up, and quit trying - there is always a reason to continue forward. There are days that seem like they`ll never end, like everything that could go wrong could. But, the truth is, there is always a worse day out there! Maybe you`ll get it in the future, or maybe someone else will, but that's just how it is.

It's so easy to sit back and whine and complain to feel sorry for yourself, and give yourself excuses to not pursue greatness anymore. But, it's even more difficult to shed but a few tears, then suck it up and say "I am better than this" and move forward.


Life is all about relationships. All throughout the bible God points this out. What truly matters in our lives is the company we keep. These people will teach you things, and be by your side to influence you. Be careful of the company you keep because they do have a lot of influence.

And, I have changed my company a lot in the last year. I realize that life is more than sex, alcohol, parties, vanity, fashion, what car I drive, the material things that I have! Because when all of those things aren't present, what do you have to make you happy?

I am renewing my faith in good people, and hope, love, compassion, trust, etc. There will always be people out there who are selfish (as we all are to some extent), but some people take it way too far! I don't want the selfish people in my life, or by my side in anyway.

Bottom Line:

I only want people in my life who will support me throughout all of my mistakes and wrongdoings. Through all of my flaws and faults.

I want the people who can handle themselves in tough situations by doing the right thing, and taking responsibility for their actions. I want people who bare their own circumstances and consequences, not run from them.

I want my friends who accept me for me. Love my silliness, sassiness, spunkiness, my character, my dedication to my health and my life.

I only want good people in my life!! Life is way too precious to waste it on ignorant people who care only for themselves and are too wrapped up to care about anyone else or how they're affected!

So to all the great people in my life ---- I love you all! 

Old News: Discipline (2008)

MAY 2008
DISCIPLINE

Current mood:contemplative

I have been thinking a lot lately about what discpline really means. Here are some thoughts of my own.

Discpline of the body - depriving the body of what it wants

Discpline of the mind- depriving the mind AND body of what the mind wants.

Discpline - to deprive yourself of WANTS and allow your body what it NEEDS.

Here are definitions from the dictionary:

–noun

..> ..>

1.	training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.

. ..> ..>

2.	activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.

.. ..> ..>

3.	punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

..> ..>

4.	the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.

..> ..>

6.	a set or system of rules and regulations.

..> ...>

7.	Ecclesiastical. the system of government regulating the practice of a church as distinguished from its doctrine.

..> ..>

8.	an instrument of punishment, esp. a whip or scourge, used in the practice of self-mortification or as an instrument of chastisement in certain religious communities.

..> ...>

9.	a branch of instruction or learning: the disciplines of history and economics.

–verb (used with object) ..> ..>

10.	to train by instruction and exercise; drill.

..> ..>

11.	to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.

..> ...>

12.	to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct; chastise.

I have conluded, that no matter what, you cannot separate the body and mind. Although many people try, how can you separate the body from the mind when you need your mind to make your body do things. I.E. Mind-Muscle connection, Mind-Body Connection. It's like, you can't separate your mind from your body without first calming the body.

Discpline is training your mind to get past mental blocks and barriers. Discpline in physical fitness is just the same. So, its not about what your limitations are, but how far past can you exceed your limitations.

I think about the 120 pound girl who lifted a truck off of a guy that weighed a couple tons. They say it's adrenaline. So how pumped up to you have to get to lift a 200 pound object, or hell, even a 100 pound dumbell! It's all in how the mind thinks about things and processes them that in turn, gives a response from the body.

So here's to DISCIPLINE - depriving oneself of wants and sticking to the necessities.

Old News: January 2008

WHEN THE BALL ROLLS FAST....

Current mood:tested

Usually when the ball is rolling fast, its rolling downhill....but how come when things go downhill in life, they are more difficult not easy?!

I used to believe that when the going gets tough the tough gets going and when the ball rolls fast, roll with it. I now realize that I am wrong. When things are going downhill for you, you need to work twice as hard to get yourself back up the hill. It is okay to slip sometimes & even fall back down to the bottom as long as you get a running start upward.

But, isnt that how it usually works? You get a running start and end up tripping up many times along the way? Usually do to frusterations, obstacles and plateus it is hard to keep on track. Once something is routine, it is a little bit easier. Even so, I have learned that you can plan and plan and plan but once your circumstances change, you need to adjust to the new circumstances and create a new plan. This involves being flexible, open minded, strong willed, and determined.

Lately I have been realizing that success involves the following things:

Determination

Will Power

Struggles

Strength

Endurance

And mostly, discipline.

So I am learning that running uphill may get tiring sometimes and you want to take a break, but the smartest strategy to win in the game of life is more often than not, slow but steady. With this method, there is less burnout, fatigue, and slipping up. In a world of instant gratification, I am learning to not settle, but to be patient and stay motivated for all things.